


Home to You

by MoonReever



Series: Jar of Hope [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Mention of Odin - Freeform, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sibling Incest, mention of Frigga - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-29 15:34:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17206052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonReever/pseuds/MoonReever
Summary: Thor’s touch, with electricity warm and tingling on his skin, was the one that kept the dark of his nightmare at bay. Thor’s voice, as deep as the rumbling of thunder, was the one that called his soul back to the light. And Thor’s eyes, as blue and vast as the clear sky, was the one that convinced him that his very existence was real.After Thor fetched him from Hel, Loki has some thinking to do which ends up with both of them having a talk. And maybe some feelings will come to light.





	Home to You

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happened when I found a new song to be added to my playlist. I finally had a motivation to finish this fic that had been sitting in my WIP for too long.
> 
> This is un-betaed, so pardon the grammar mistake. Happy reading!

 

Loki wasn't the type to find pleasure in selfless act.

Sure, he loved to show his heroic side sometime but, only if he was benefiting from it; give and take, he loved to call it, with little mischief here and there to spice things up because life would be boring without it and Loki refused to associate himself with boredom. To give something and didn’t expect anything in return was anything but smart. People always had ulterior motive whether they realized it or not; it was something he noticed whilst growing up in the middle of Asgardian Royal Family.

For someone to say they wished for nothing after they did something good for him was when the alarm inside his head went off. It had him thinking of the worst that could possibly happen and he couldn’t deal with it because after all, it was easier if they just told him what they needed from him, needed him to _do_ ; that way he would know what was coming and he could act accordingly.

Not to mention that the selfless act itself reminded him of his big oaf of a brother.

Yes, it was more of Thor’s style. Thor always prided himself in heroic things he did. “Because that’s what heroes do”, he always said with confidence vibrating in his entire being; so golden and kingly and full of honor, a complete opposite of what defined Loki. That was why Loki never did what Thor would do, which was putting others before himself.

Which was why he questioned himself of what changed his mind so that he did what he did when Thanos attacked their ship.

It had been bothering his mind ever since Thor personally fetched him from Hel. That too, he thought, was another selfless act he never predicted Thor would do. After all, they kind of parted in a terrible way, with him being the reason Thanos attacked their ship and murdered their people. And then there was also Thor calling him ‘the worst brother’, which was probably true.

But then Thor had, yet again, exceeded his wildest expectation. Even after he said it was better if they went their separate ways, his brother decided he wanted Loki alive by his side. Loki didn’t know what to do, or to say in this matter. In fact, there was little thing he could do after coming back to life; It seemed all the muscles in his body forgot how to move, to touch and to feel the life like they used to. Death had carved itself deep in Loki’s bones, poured itself into his blood, danced with the rhythm of his breaths, and built itself a home in each one of his nightmares to the point he needed to be reminded over and over again that he was indeed alive, by Thor.

Thor’s touch, with electricity warm and tingling on his skin, was the one that kept the dark of his nightmare at bay. Thor’s voice, as deep as the rumbling of thunder, was the one that called his soul back to the light. And Thor’s eyes, as blue and vast as the clear sky, was the one that convinced him that his very existence was real.

It had always been Thor, Thor, and Thor.

No matter how frustrated the fact made him, it was something he could no longer deny. It made him itch to test and find out for himself if there was a limit to Thor’s kindness. So he did what he usually found repulsive and humiliating: letting Thor care for him.

Ever since their return from Hel, Thor had always made sure Loki had what he needed. And as much as Loki found it annoying, he was surprised at how pleasant it made him feel. Not that he would say it out loud. He had let Thor feed him, wash him clean, put clothes on him, and even braid some of his hairs when he couldn’t lift even one finger; his brother had been nothing but patient with him even when Loki refused to entertain Thor with simple conversations.

After he woke up one day and found out that he had regained some of his strength, Loki decided it wouldn’t hurt him to go out and see what the new Asgard his brother had built looked like. He slipped off from his new bedchamber, that didn’t have the elegance and glory like his former one at the old Asgard, in only his tunic and blanket wrapped comfortably around his body which had lost some weight.

It was located in the Norway, built on the grassland where Odin had his last breath, Loki should had predicted that for how sentimental Thor could be. The same sentiment was probably what made him choose the simple architecture and city planning for the new Asgard; for Thor couldn’t bear to be reminded of what the old one was like. Because he couldn’t save it, he _chose_ to destroy it and gave Loki the honor to do exactly that.

The construction hadn’t finished yet, he supposed it took longer because their equipments and resources were limited; Thor had told him this in one of his rambles which earned him no such thing as a reaction from Loki. He kept strolling and looking around, ignoring some curious looks directed his way; the ground and grass beneath felt uncomfortable and rough on his bare feet, but since it was noon already, they didn’t feel cold at all and Loki was grateful for that.

The breeze felt good on his skin as it caressed him gently like a lover would do; his blanket and the soft curls of his hair waved slightly as Loki headed to the outer part of the city. He noticed there were only a few adult males as he passed by his people, his people that he sometime gave a slight nod to after they greeted him nervously. Perhaps, the number of men who stayed behind on that ship was far greater than he remembered. And they died because they _chose_ to fight alongside their King even though they knew they were no match for the Mad Titan and his Black Order.

They were sacrificing themselves, so that their families could escape safely with the Valkyrie.

Just like Loki did, so that Thor wouldn’t die.

He shut his eyes and clutched onto his blanket tightly as his memory of that day striked again, sending fire through his chest. With every heartbeat, his pace quickened, until he was running and running in the hope of pushing the horror of his memories and emotions back to the deepest part of his mind so they wouldn’t be relived again.

Loki was out of breath when he reached the edge of the cliff that faced toward the sea; feet slowed down to a stop as he tried to control his breathing. The wind was stronger there it felt like it could knock him down especially when he was this tired only from running a bit. Death really did take a lot on him, he bitterly thought as he staggered to one of the rocks to sit. Loki was exhausted and his feet also hurt; he massaged his soles as soon as he took a seat, letting the blanket slid down a bit from his shoulder.

It was funny how his own feet brought him to _that_ particular place when he wanted some peace for his swirling emotions. The place where Odin said he loved his sons before he delivered the news of his power-thirst firstborn—Thor and Loki’s sister, and then he bid goodbye just like that. Loki still hadn’t completely forgiven him, but all the matters with Odin felt so far away he couldn’t even get angry at him anymore. Loki huffed a sigh and thought about the past when Odin held his hand and Thor’s in his other one, and the time when he enjoyed playing and pranking Thor, and also the memories when they were riding horses together for quests.

And then he thought back to Thor’s Coronation Day.

 _“I've looked forward to this day as long as you have. You are my brother and my friend. Sometimes I'm envious, but never doubt that I love you._ _”_

His own words echoed in his head. Honesty too sharp and too vibrant to deny even when it was dipped with a little bit of lie; it was too close to opening up, too close to unwrapping the whole truth, too close to presenting his own heart to the very object of his adoration and desire. Loki liked to think that he was at the place where sincerity and sentimentality couldn’t touch him, but it was just a lie—an imagination he conjured up to protect himself, his _brittle heart_.

Everywhere he went, his lies always left trails of sincerity, and everything he did for Thor, it always reeked of sentimentality; someone who was perceptive enough would be able to tell, someone like Frigga and Thor. Thor, his brother who had grown a lot calmer, probably wiser, and more penetrative was what he was afraid of. He still remembered how emotionally distressing it was when Thor had read him right.

But even with that, Loki still preferred to go through it than being abandoned by Thor. It was the one truth he hated to admit, and hated for Thor to see it—see how vulnerable and weak he truly was. Loki hated how empty he felt when Thor was not by his side, and even more hated how Thor would probably do well without him. Thinking about it would leave him cold and suffocated; the sensation gnawed from inside, and filled his lungs with no room to breathe.

Loki reached for his _seidr_ , letting it flow out gently through his fingers; soft green light crawled shyly to the fingertips and carefully made contact with the energy of that place through the surface of the rock Loki was sitting at. Loki’s senses were strengthened the moment the contact happened. Even though his power had not completely returned yet, he still could do this to calm himself.

He let his eyes fluttered shut, trying to focus to his surrounding. Loki still remembered when Frigga taught him how to do this; at that moment, Loki was still a young boy and he was angry at something Odin said, so his mother came to pull him into her warmest embrace. She whispered to him with a mischief glint in her eyes, asking whether Loki wanted to see a little trick. Loki didn’t say anything, he looked at his mother with curiosity gleaming in his eyes and nodded once. Frigga gave him the prettiest smile in return, all the while cupping and caressing Loki’s cheek with the gentleness that made adult Loki’s chest tightened for holding too-much emotions every time he remembered it.

He missed his mother. He missed her voice, her touches, her hugs, and her smiles. Loki missed her very deeply that he often found himself wishing he could go back in time just to hug her one last time and tell her that she was the best mother he had ever had. Oh how he would do anything just to rewrite the past where he had rejected her and shut her out in Asgard prison.

It hurt, but even if it did Loki still considered Frigga as one of the sources of his happiness. And memories of her always helped him to focus on his _seidr_ . He let out a huff of breath and relaxed as soon as he spotted the swirls of green in the middle of the darkness. For a while that was the only thing he could see, but then his green touched a ball of glimmering blue and it exploded without a sound, enveloping him in an ocean of dark blue—gentle and peaceful. Splashes of red and purple joined in the color spectrum; flecks of white bashfully danced about in the background, sometime they were connected to his green _seidr_ and sometime they approached the other colors.

It was as if he was being under water, but he felt warm and breathed fine. It was really a sight to behold. Soon, he could taste the sea water and felt fire coming alive in his body as the red and purple splashes circled the white merrily. So many things were happening at the same time, and Loki thought to himself that the new Asgard, however small it was, was so full of life. And he immediately understood; the flecks of white were his people--the Asgardians who tried to hope again after their home was destroyed, and this place welcomed them with one.

 _Hope_ , Loki mused.

Did he dare to have it?

A bite of electricity and a huge spark of blue _seidr_ that came to him all of a sudden jolted him back from his reverie. He pulled his _seidr_ back just as fast as his hand retreated back to his lap, and Loki let out a startled gasp. Heavy footsteps could be heard from behind him; the crunching noise of boots stepping on grass was tiny and slow, but audibly there, showing hesitancy as bright and clear as his worries. It was as if the owner of said footsteps was afraid that Loki would run away if they got too close.

Loki wanted to scoff, wanted to say how ridiculous the idea was. But he knew better it was still in the realm of possibility if the pounding of his heart was any indication. The realization didn't make him feel any better though, especially since he figured out who was approaching him so carefully like that like he was a cornered cat. He knew it was Thor even before his huge figure appeared in his periphery.

He could sense the worries and relief radiating from his brother even without looking at him. It was always like that, Thor would always worry. The weight of his burden could make anyone else give up or die trying. But, his brother was good like that; he took it with the maturity of a king and the kindness of a hero. He was everything that Loki would never be. And that used to grate on his nerves, making the ugly jealousy fill the space of his heart and ignite his rage. Despite of all that though, his love and longing for his brother still burned so bright it clashed against the rage in a never ending war that put the ragnarok to shame.

He still felt it even until now, though the jealousy was more of a tired old warrior that forgot the reason why they still fight, just knows they have to.

Accepting that Loki wouldn't break the silence that had stretched too long to be comfortable, Thor cleared his throat. “They said they saw you out of the palace, taking a walk. I kind of had a gut feeling you would be here, brother.”

“Your sentimentality brought us back here.” Loki said instead. And they both knew he wasn't talking about that very moment.

Thor looked down at his feet for a moment to prepare his answer before his gaze was back on Loki again. Loki still hadn't decided whether to return it though. “This is where everything ended and started.”

Then, it was Loki's turn to look down, not quite ready to have this talk. But it was inevitable, and he knew it would come sooner or later. He would never be ready for it, so he might as well do this soon. “Was it the same sentimentality that made you keep me here?”

He heard Thor huff a breath. “Loki—”

“We both know I'm only dragging you down. I was the reason Thanos attacked the ship and killed our people.” Loki added, as if that would snap Thor back from his mad decision of bringing him back to life and keeping him in the new Asgard.

“Loki, listen,” Thor said again with an almost pleading tone. “Just look at me.”

Loki clutched the blanket a bit tighter; he could hear how loud his heart was beating, as if it wanted for him to run—run away from Thor, from his gaze that always pulled him in like it was his _home_. But like his jealousy toward his brother, Loki was also tired.

So, he did what Thor asked him to, albeit hesitantly.

Thor's blond hair was still short and one of his eyes was as blue as he remembered it to be. But the wildness and arrogance that Loki used to find in there were replaced by the exhaustion and determination. He also recognized a bit of hope behind that searching gaze.

“Loki,” Thor started, stepping closer toward his personal space. “It wasn't that, you're not a burden to me.”

“Then why? Why doing all this?”

“Because I'm selfish.” Thor said to him with finality and honesty that startled Loki to silence. His gaze ground Loki in place; the intensity of it made it a bit hard to breathe.

“I am a selfish man, Loki. Maybe, more than you think. And I'm doing this for myself.”

Loki stared at him through the dark of his lashes; inquisitive gaze taking in his brother's gestures. “For the satisfaction of doing good things, of saving your little brother, you mean?”

“No.” Thor answered honestly. His red cape was waving in the wind, reminding Loki of the times he used to stare at and chase it in the past.

He bit his lip as the familiar sense of longing came crashing at him. The old feelings started to fill his chest with crushing intensity, and like an old friend, their return carried memories. Though not always welcome, they fit right in like they always did. And just like that, Loki loves Thor just a little bit more.

It didn't make any sense. It never did with Thor, anyway.

“No?” Loki repeated. He had to, because what Thor said sounded like madness.

“No.” Thor smiled tiredly and a bit sadly. “You underestimate what you mean to me, Loki.”

Frown etched itself onto Loki's feature. Maybe it was the desperation for answer, or maybe it was the hope that he had put to grave himself coming back to life that made him finally stand up to face Thor properly. He wasn't sure which, but the urge to get closer to Thor was strong.

The sun light was hitting their faces, it made the golden of Thor's hair a glorious halo. His brother's gaze had softened while he took his time to take in Loki's expression. The part of him that always longed for Thor hummed in contentment knowing he had Thor's full attention and affection.

“Because I need you,” Thor said it in one breath; his voice trembled a little as he put all his feelings into that single line.

Loki felt it was too much; Thor looking at him like he was everything that matters felt too much to handle all at once. He couldn't find the words to answer under that affectionate gaze. The gaze that, dare he said, mirrored the depth of his feelings.

“I need you to be here with me.” Thor said to him; his tone unwavered and determined, yet soft and gentle at the same time. “I need you here so that I could breathe again, so that I could find hope again, so that I could feel part of me that you carried to your death again. And I need you to understand that I desire to go back home… to you. Because anywhere else, even Asgard included, didn’t feel like home when you weren’t by my side.”

Loki listened to every word Thor said intently; his eyes kept searching for a hint of lie but found none. It was heavy, the weight of Thor's heart was heavy but not unwelcome. His lips parted slightly while he was in some kind of a trance. And maybe he was, because this sounded too good to be true.

“I'm sorry, I should have treated you better.” Thor smiled again. And he was even closer than before.

“You should have.” Loki said in half-hearted attempt to be eloquent; his mind was still swirling in disbelief.

“But, now that the war has ended and I got you back with me, I have all the time in the world to care for you.” Thor reached out to take his hand in his own. “Will you, Loki Odinson, give me the honor to do that?”

Thor's smile was blinding, in the way that made Loki's stomach tingle and his chest warm. It was the warmth that always chased his anxiety away and pushed the envy back into its cage. The kind of comfort that had him forgetting all the haunting nightmares.

So, Loki returned it with his own.

“Of course,” He said to Thor; mirth was reflected in his eyes. “In one condition.”

“And what is that, dear brother?” Thor asked; his smile dimmed slightly as he intended to listen to whatever Loki might say seriously; his thumb caressed the back of Loki's hand softly that it tickled a bit.

“Don't throw things at me ever again.”

Thor's laugh was sudden; it started with his eyes widening and then exploded in a booming joy. It was so enjoyable to see how expressive his brother was when happiness carried him afloat. Loki huffed a chuckle before he added, “Hey, I'm serious.”

“Okay, okay, just maybe try not to make tricking people into a habit from now on.” Thor was grinning so wide. It was the expression that used to appear so often in their younger days. Loki didn't want to admit it, but he missed it terribly. He thought he wanted to get used to that again. But of course he wouldn't say it out loud.

“Impossible.” He said immediately. The playfulness in their conversation came more naturally than he expected despite the initial shift of dynamic when Loki was brought back to life.

“Fair enough, God of Mischief.” Thor nodded in agreement; his smile was still in place, making his contentment and joy glaringly obvious.

Loki hummed in response before his other hand came to rest on Thor's left hand that was holding him so preciously. He peeled it off him only to fix the position so that their fingers were intertwined.

Thor was watching him do that with eyes widened slightly as if in awe. His fingers determinedly locked Loki's hand in place.

“Hey,” Loki said suddenly, breaking their momentary silence. And Thor's gaze jumped back to his face immediately.

Loki's smile widened as he stared at his brother; his affection was heavy in his gaze. “Remember what I said in your first Coronation Day?”

At first, Thor gave him a quizzical look but then his eyes widened comically as realization dawned on him. His mouth parted in disbelief of what the words implied.

“It was true.” Loki said softly; the meaning was crystal clear and he felt his hand trembled slightly.

“Loki—”

“ _Is_ still true,” Loki huffed a breath as he tightened his grip on Thor's hand in an effort to stop the trembling. “Still true, even until now.”

Thor's lips twitched before a new smile bloomed, this time it was soft and accepting. The corner of his eyes crinkled as he did. And before Loki could realize, Thor moved Loki's hand to his right one and brought it to his lips.

Loki couldn't help the gasp that followed. His cheeks were dusted with beautiful pink as he was taken by surprise with the sudden intimacy.

“I love you too,” Thor said as a response to what Loki implied. “With every breath I take, and every beat my heart gives, I love you so dearly, my soul keeps calling for you, Loki.”

It was more than he expected. And if before, his heart was beating so loudly, now it was raging wildly against his ribcage. His shoulders rose slightly with the tension that suddenly came, but he felt his hand that Thor held and _kissed_ turn weak that it could fall off if not for Thor keeping it in place.

He didn't intend to let the silence that follow stretch too long, but his mind refused to function. It was not his fault he couldn't form any words. And his brother had the audacity to show a bit of amusement.

But, Thor waited. He was willing to stay in the silence until Loki said something.

So, Loki inhaled sharply and let out his breath shakily. The eloquent of a silver tongue had long left him defenseless and vulnerable. And he instead said the first thing that came to mind.

“I'm here”

It was a response to Thor's last bit of sentence, but also a reminder of what happened in the ship after ragnarok.

Thor chuckled so brightly before he said, “I know.”

And he pulled Loki into his embrace. It was sudden and crushing, but Loki didn't mind. All he could focus on was how warm Thor was and how badly he missed it. Thor hugged him with passionate warmth that enveloped him so kindly that it was reassuring.

It was as if it was telling him that all this was real and he deserved this little happiness he had been longing for.

And that there was something that was still worth fighting for.

He felt Thor nuzzled his hair; his smile pressed against the dark of his hair. Their heartbeats were just as loud that it was almost relieving to know he wasn't the only one that was drowned in overwhelming feeling of love. He then buried his own smile in the crook of Thor's neck. Albeit a bit shaky, his hands came up to rest on Thor's back, clutching the fabric of his cape.

He wasn't ready to let this moment end.

And judged by the loving caress of Thor's hand on the back of his head, it seemed the feeling was mutual.

Then, he heard Thor whisper softly. Voice full of love and warmth that relaxed him.

“Welcome home, Loki.”

Loki chuckled breathily while he felt the burn of tears at the corners of his eyes. “Yes, it feels good to be home.”

And it was the truest thing he said besides the confession. Loki was with Thor.

His _home_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Initially, I wanted to write their confessions more low-key, but my Thorki brain said 'fudge you'. So it ended up like this. I hope you're satisfied though. And please, leave me some comments since I'd love to hear what you think. It will motivate me to write more. Also, maybe give kudos if you liked it!


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